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Lance's FUN PAGE
Hi Everyone! Lance here with this awesome new page to make you laugh. In this page, you can write jokes, add pictures, whatever as long as it's funny. The reason for this page? In today's lives most of us are stressed out. Laughter is nature's stress reliever. Laughter puts you in a more relaxed state that sleep does. THAT'S INCREDIBLE! Anyway have fun with this page.
Here's a couple to start you all off.
George Washington & Little Johnny
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?" Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
Little Johnny Knows His Numbers The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
Little Johnny was digging a hole... One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
Are You a Martha or a Maxine?
MR=Martha's Way
MX= Maxine's Way
MR-Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
MX-Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
MR-To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
MX-Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
MR-When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
MX-Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you. MR- If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
MR- If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!" MR-Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting
MX-Celery? Never heard of it in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
MR-Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
MX-The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
MR-Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
MX-Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
MR-If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
MX-Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
MR-Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
MX-Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!
As usual, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.
Really ... it's true! Have I ever lied to you? 
Here's a couple to start you all off.
George Washington & Little Johnny
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?" Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
Little Johnny Knows His Numbers The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
Little Johnny was digging a hole... One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
Are You a Martha or a Maxine?
MR=Martha's Way
MX= Maxine's Way
MR-Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
MX-Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
MR-To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
MX-Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
MR-When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
MX-Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you. MR- If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
MR- If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!" MR-Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting
MX-Celery? Never heard of it in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
MR-Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
MX-The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
MR-Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
MX-Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
MR-If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
MX-Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
MR-Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
MX-Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!
As usual, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really ... it's true! Have I ever lied to you?
Latest page update: made by lindsayshea
, Dec 11 2007, 6:03 PM EST
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Keyword tags:
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(Showing the last 5 of 12 - view all)
| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | |
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| TLatocha999 | Fun Page | 0 | Jan 15 2008, 7:49 PM EST by TLatocha999 | |
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| LucasPammer12 | Lance. | 0 | Jan 8 2008, 8:20 PM EST by LucasPammer12 | |
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| CJRice | Just to see what you'd do! | 1 | Dec 4 2007, 1:02 PM EST by ajeanc17 | |
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Thread started: Nov 28 2007, 8:08 PM EST
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I got this at a leadership workshop I was at, and I wanted to see what you guys thought about it!
You are on a plane flying over the Pacific Ocean when the captain who is flying comes over the intercom to explain that there has been a problem witht he airplane and emerggency procedures must be taken. In order to maintain flight, the combined weight of those on board muse be less than 1400 lbs. Currentyl, those aboard weigh 2400 lbs. As the second officer, you must determine who will stay and who will go from the airplaine in order to keep the entire group from perishing. The following is a quick bio of each person along with their weight. No one is volunteering to go. Neither you no the captain may go. 185- 28 year old marine married w/ 1 child 320- 30 year old scientist with a formula that will allow vegetation to grow in desert areas void of water 190- 19 year old pregnant stripper 130- 24 year old middle school teacher with three children 190- 40 yaer old CEO of a major software company unmarried 260- 45 year old person who is unemplyed and has a family of 6 220- 18 year old headed to college 115- 75 year old with 18 grandchildren and 20 great grandchildren 150- 35 year old minister 300- 51 year old millionaire who heads the center for Cancer REsearch in North America 110- 25 year old who is HIV positive 160- 44 year old Senator from Minnesota 190- 26 year old professional basketball player Remember, you can't just choose random people. You have to be able to defend and explain your decisions.
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| LanceHutson | ATTTENTION!!! | 0 | Nov 28 2007, 8:11 PM EST by LanceHutson | |
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| LanceHutson | A Dog's Daily Log | 0 | Nov 27 2007, 7:53 PM EST by LanceHutson | |
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Thread started: Nov 27 2007, 7:53 PM EST
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Day 423:
Today, the humans decided to give me some room to move around by leaving the house for the day. I decided to do some sabotage work and other miscellaneous things while they were out. I've finally came through with a formula proven to create the ultimate land mine. It involves an excess amount of poo, though. I plan on sneaking something the humans call a laxative to provide me with the extra surplus. I went through and knawed the top of all the legs on their table chairs. I had to go the bathroom so I left hidden puddles throughout their bedroom. Also, I went and knawed some of their light source cords so now when they get into their room, they won't be able to see where the hidden present are located. And finally, I got into the trash and ripped it out all over the kitchen floor. I can't wait to see their faces when they get home. I will report on this in my next log.
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